Sherry Baby
I’m at LRB’s (Liquor and Rubber Balls Sports Emporium and Libation Celebration) enjoying a dinner of Guinness and hard boiled eggs — yes, this diet leads to serious flatulence, but it sure does make the dog wag her tail when I stagger home– and evidently between courses I mutter something like, Nobody reads my blog on Friday anyway.
This comment inspires (alleged) professional gambler Duck Diamonds, without shifting his hawk-like gaze from the teevee screen, to remark, “You got that right, champ. Of course, nobody reads it Saturday through Thursday, neither.”
Cold, right? And these are my friends.
Duck told me before the post-season even started that I was backing every loser in the race. Result? I lost 12 of 13: my Phillies were swept in 3, as were the Cubs and Angels. The Yankees managed one crappy win against Cleveland. I ask him how the hell he knows so much.
“I listen to losers like yourself,” he tells me. “And bet the other way. Last week you made me my Roth IRA payment. Thanks. Buy you an egg?”
Fuck a Duck.
Anyway, on the related subjects of sports, alcohol, and butt-reaming, here’s an update on a story you may remember from teh internets a few years back…….
Houston, TX - Charges have been dropped against Tammy Jean Warner, a Texas woman who was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him, the prosecutor in the case said on Wednesday. Brazoria County District Attorney Jeri Yenne said the charges were dismissed a month ago for lack of evidence. The dead man had had “a severe alcohol issue” and it was not clear his wife had committed a crime, Yenne said in a telephone interview.
At the time of Warner’s indictment in 2005, police told the Houston Chronicle the woman had given her husband two large bottles of sherry, which raised his blood alcohol level to 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level considered legally drunk in Texas. She told the newspaper her husband was addicted to enemas and often used alcohol in that manner. Police said Warner had a throat ailment that left him unable to drink the sherry. — Reuters
I’m quite prejudiced myself, but filling an enema bottle with sherry and squirting it up a drunk’s ass is the most appropriate use for that foul drink as I’ve ever encountered. So what if both assholes — himself and his own — expired?
As for you betting souls: I’m pulling for Colorado and Cleveland. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a World Series with Cowboys and Indians? So bet against me, buy me an egg, and make my dog happy.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:16 am
I never read your blog on Friday.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:19 am
She told the newspaper her husband was addicted to enemas and often used alcohol in that manner.
Okay, everybody who wants to know more about “enema addictions” please raise your hand.
Thank you. Now, everybody with his or her hand raised, please leave immediately and seek help.
Enema addiction. Great Godamighty.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:28 am
Cowboys and Indians would be cool. But suppose they end up playing Boston? We’d have Rocks vs Sox!
October 12th, 2007 at 9:49 am
I don’t read your blog on Friday either.
October 12th, 2007 at 10:08 am
Hi everybody! I’m Steve’s dog! Actually, I’m Guido’s dog because she loves me, and he only farts on me. But I like that, too! Anyway, I never read his blog on Friday.
October 12th, 2007 at 10:37 am
This looked like it might be a pretty good post, but I don’t read your blog on Friday.
October 12th, 2007 at 11:23 am
Friday is enema day, so I don’t read your blog.
October 12th, 2007 at 12:47 pm
I’ve noticed my readership usually drops on Fri. but not always.
Howabout SORELOSERMAN ( GORE) WINNING the Nobel Peace prize!! Ok, so he lost Fla. but now he’s sharing a mil. with a committee. Not bad. I guess you could say the loss in Fla. was just the WARM UP ( pun intended) for this award?
October 12th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
The ONLY day I read your blog is Friday. But I skipped this week.
Hey Fred, bro: It’s Friday. Do you know where your meds are?
October 12th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Usually I read your blog using my iPhone — ever hear of one? Oh, I forgot: you can’t figure out how Apple products work. In fact, you couldn’t figure out an apple fruit. Anyway, even though I use my iPhone all the time, I don’t uses it (or anything else) to read your blog on Friday.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I read your blog on some Fridays, but not today as I was too busy receiving my Nobel Peace Prize and saving the universe. Did I mention that I invented the internets and that the book and movie Love Story were based on my life? Gotta run. Get it? Gotta run, as in, for president. But don’t read anything into that.
October 12th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
You guys (and gals) are out of your bleeding gourds.
Thanks for stopping by on a (usually slow) Friday.
Tiqi, no ball playing in the house. Damn dog.
October 15th, 2007 at 8:48 am
alesh, apparently logged on as Steve, SAYS:
It’s possible you’ve never had good sherry. Yes, there is such a thing. Sherry is weird stuff, with whole sub-genres of it you can’t even get at Total Whine, and some of it is strange, very dry, and quite delicious.
Then there’s the vile cheap “cream” shit, which has the distinction of having one of the highest alcohol/price ratios of any booze in existence, hence its popularity with sad lost souls like the guy in example given above.
By the way, having things blown up your ass is apparently a way to enjoy all sorts of mood-altering substances (cocaine, etc.). Apparently the tissues down there are very efficient at absorbing stuff. (Heh.)
October 15th, 2007 at 9:06 am
By the way, having things blown up your ass is apparently a way to enjoy all sorts of mood-altering substances (cocaine, etc.). Apparently the tissues down there are very efficient at absorbing stuff.
We’ll take your word, steve/alesh. I do know that semen can be absorbed, resulting in pregnancy. That’s how lawyers are born.