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A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

What South Florida Has in Common with the Garden of Eden

Filed under: News from the Nation's Dicktip,What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 12:31 am

If your first guess is fig leaves, you’re 0 for 1. And the Tree of Knowledge is as mythical as the Fountain of Youth. As for the ever-present spirit of god, well, that bus left the station years ago and ain’t headin’ back any time soon.

Give up? It’s snakes:

A Burmese python infestation in and around Everglades National Park continues to worsen.

In the past month or so, farmers plowing vegetable fields in the leased 1,500-acre, state-owned tract known as the Frog Pond killed 51 of the exotic reptiles with their heavy equipment. At roughly the same time last year, the farmers killed 44, according to park biologist Skip Snow.

”It just shows you the propensity for it,” Snow said. “It’s not just a few snakes — it’s thousands of snakes that occupy Everglades habitats.” Miami Hurled

Everybody remembers this photo, of course, the unfortunate python that swallowed the gator, only to snake_pliskin.jpghave the gator burst free from its gut. Maybe the most famous snake in Florida. Can anybody name the most famous snake in New York? That’s him, on the right.

The damn things are turning up everywhere and taking over. There’s a story coming out of Everglades City about a redneck who wanders into a bar with a 7 foot python around his neck, like a feather boa. “Whoa!” says the bartender, reaching for his rifle. “The hell d’you find that thing?” “Clewiston,” replies the python. “Fuckers are all over up there.”

Burmese pythons aren’t exactly native to the region. Like so much else that plagues Florida, it’s a problem brought about by outsiders doing something environmentally insensitive. Make that colossally stupid. The keep the critters as pets until they get scary or eat the family dog or something, then take it for a ride into the ‘Glades and turn it loose. Like that’s going to kill it, or solve the problem.

The way to both kill and solve the problem?

Phnom Penh – A Cambodian man who took off his trousers, tied the legs at the bottom and wrangled a 2-meter cobra into them died when it bit him through the fabric, local media reported Monday.

Khmer-language daily Koh Santepheap quoted police as saying Chab Kear, 36, saw the reptile swimming in a river just outside the capital last Thursday during a drinking session and captured it in the hopes of selling it later in the day. He tied the animal inside his trousers and a scarf around his waist, but as he continued carousing the enraged snake managed to get its fangs free and bite Kear three times on the stomach.

The newspaper reported Kear’s last words as being “don’t worry – it’s nothing a drink can’t fix” before he succumbed to the cobra’s venom. — Bangkok Post

Death by trouser snake. Gotta admire his attitude, if not his motivation. Or fucking sense. That snake could easily have ended up in the Everglades, passing from buyer to seller to buyer to seller.

Anyway, now we have a genuine snake problem. Reduce your apple intake.

7 Responses to “What South Florida Has in Common with the Garden of Eden”

  1. Camiel Toe Says:

    Tourist slogan next year will be “Visit Florida: Snakes in the Lakes.”

  2. Hollywood Hal Says:

    What’s the problem? At least an infestation of snakes would upgrade the current level of political leadership around these parts.

  3. Helen Highwater Says:

    Wow. That poor trouser snake must have been really hungry.

  4. Snake Pliskin Says:

    Leave me out of this. Besides, haven’t you heard? I’m in LA.

  5. The Duke Says:

    Snake Pliskin? I heard of you. I heard you were dead.

  6. glennk Says:

    Makes me happy I’m in NJ. Pythons don’t like the cold! Nor do red ants or the southern variety of red neck.

  7. steve Says:

    No, Cuz, but you’ve got those charming greenhead flies and Atlantic City politicians! One bites, draws blood, and flies off, the other doesn’t fly off.

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