They Call It Mellow Yellow
Most people I know like bananas. They like them peeled, in various stages of maturity; they like them frozen and impaled on a stick covered in chocolate, they’re good sliced up and plopped on the morning Post Toasties, etc.
But this would kill anybody’s affection pretty dead:
Indian police forced a thief to gobble down 40 bananas in a few hours, hoping they would force him to excrete a gold necklace he had snatched and swallowed.
“He denied swallowing it at all, but an X-ray conducted in a hospital revealed the necklace was very much in his stomach,” Ajay Kumar, a leading city detective, told Reuters.
“Doctors advised us to feed him with bananas as it worked like a natural purgative,” another officer said, trying to keep awake after staying up all night monitoring (the suspect’s) ’s motions.
(The suspect) visited the lavatory three times early today and was also forced to vomit but the necklace has failed to appear.
“We will have to look for other stronger purgatives now,” the yawning police officer added. — news.com.au
Stronger than 40 bananas? How about a plunger? Or a photo of Janet Reno dancing naked?
This is not the best way to get your potassium.
(Like the expressions, “very much in his stomach” and “monitoring the suspect’s motions?” Ah, the adrenalin drama of law 
enforcement.)
It’s a trifle puzzling, too, that the physician didn’t prescribe a handful of tiny Dulcalax instead of a bushel of bananas. These are the purge engines one ingests prior to a colonoscopy, and the vigor they inspire from an ingestor’s intestinal track is sufficient to launch rockets. That necklace would have emerged in an hour, followed by everything the poor bastard had eaten that week. An overdose can take out tonsils and wisdom teeth. It’s #1 in the #2 business.
By dawn, the suspect’s cell was a hellhole of stench and ankle deep second-hand banana fruit, but no necklace. Maybe it got caught on something on the way out (new fashion: ilium jewelry).
“We know it’s in there,” a beshitted detective muttered, grimly. “We’ll give it another few hours, and then we’re goin’ in!”
August 13th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Or a photo of Janet Reno dancing naked?
Steve both you and I had to endure a dinner banquet with Ms Reno. I think we left and went out to the silent auction area at that time. That comment was wrong, just plain wrong!
August 13th, 2007 at 8:57 am
Hey, Janet Reno looks pretty damn good to me, pal. So do the bananas.
August 13th, 2007 at 10:56 am
If they want faster results, they should be putting those bananas in the other end of the thief. Unpeeled.
August 13th, 2007 at 11:49 am
As the song says; “…there were thirty…thousand….pounds…of BANANAS!”
August 13th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Yes, we have no bananas……
Think the US should will adopt this technique of interrogation to replace waterboarding?
August 13th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Damn, you beat me to it, CL!
August 13th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
I like bananas because they have a peal.
August 13th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Even though they’re technically not part of the United States, I’m surprised to see Indians letting the police get away with this. There’s no mention of the spacific tribe that did it — I just hope it wasn’t the Seminoles because I go out there alot to see concerts.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Ted End: As a Seminole myself, I can assure you it wasn’t us. In fact, it wasn’t “that kind” of “Indian” at all. It was a person from a place called India, ever hear of it? That’s why they’re called “Indians,” and we’re called “Native Americans.” Or, to put in words you might be more familiar with, Red Dots, not Moccasins.
Glad you like the concerts. We’re a happy friendly people who enjoy sharing our simple culture. Heap good for making wampum, too. Ugh.
August 14th, 2007 at 7:20 am
Ted, Dot head indians who own 7-11 stores not wooo wooo indians that own smoke shops on 441.
August 14th, 2007 at 8:16 am
That’s a terrific graphic. Brought tears to my eyes (and actually made me hungry). Bananas are beautiful people.