Ft Lauderdale, FL Mayor Jim Naugle issued a public apology on the steps of City Hall Tuesday afternoon, but it wasn’t the apology the gay community was looking for…..Naugle apologized for underestimating the problem of men having sex with each other in public restrooms, and urged people to call police to complain when they come upon it. He also said Broward County leads the nation in the incidence of new AIDS cases involving men having sex with men, and questioned whether the county tourism office should be welcoming them here. — Sun/Sentinel
I’m shocked, shocked. I had no idea that the homosexual infestation had achieved such proportions. Evidently, neither did the Ft Lauderdale police department: according to Sgt. Frank Sousa, “There’s no evidence, no reports or arrests made for any men having sex in any restrooms.”
This whole business got started (appropriately) with a discussion of toilets, and, as often happens when ignorant politicians air their pie-holes, immediately descended into complete bullshit. According to the Sun-Sentinel article noted above,
[Regarding] a proposed self-cleaning, automatic toilet the city was going to buy for the beach, Naugle said an added benefit would be that it would deter men from using it for “homosexual activity,” which he said was a problem in public restrooms. He also said he uses the term “homosexual” rather than “gay,” because gays are “unhappy.”
I’m floored by this revelation. Gays are “unhappy?” I immediately call my next-door neighbors, two gay men who have cohabitated for over 20 years, and demanded the whole truth and nothing but(t). ‘Fess up, faggots! The Mayor of Ft Lauderdale says you’re unhappy! Is that true?
“You mean now? Well, yeah,” they said.
Astonishing! How did Mayor Naugle know? Evidently scores of Lauderdalians have been phoning him daily, complaining that they fear allowing their children to visit beach restrooms unaccompanied for fear of encountering glory-hole goings-on. “Everybody knows what happens in these restrooms,” the Mayor noted, grimly. “Don’t visitors to our beautiful beaches have the right to drain their dragons without fear? How can you aim your stream when you’re keeping an eye out behind you?”
Next week, the Mayor’s office plans to issue a proclamation banning sperm whales from the waters of Ft Lauderdale Beach. “”We trying to provide a family environment here,” it states. “Sperm is just so sticky-sticky boy-perv. It can’t be abided in a Christian community.”
Watching Jim Naugle morph into his predecessor Mayor Bob Cox — yes, “Cox” as in “uncontrollable homosexual erections gone wild in public restrooms” — who famously advocated pouring kerosene in trash cans to discourage homeless persons’ scavenging, and once told a 4th grade class at Dillard Elementary School that the sole requirements to become mayor was to be “free, white, and 21″ is eerie, if not outright creepy. Perhaps this is evidence that the shelf life of a shabby small-town politician is shorter than that of a lubricated prophylactic in a diner’s restroom dispenser. Oops! Another hotbed of homosexual humping? Stay tuned, America!