Serbing No Purpose
The village of Medja, on the [Serbian] border with Romania, plans to build a monument to Johnny Weissmuller, the best-known film Tarzan. Mr. Weissmuller, who won five Olympic gold medals in swimming, was born in Medja in 1904. He died in 1984. Residents said they were inspired by a decision this week by another Serbian village, Zitiste, to erect a statue of Sylvester Stallone’s film boxer Rocky Balboa to rid itself of bad luck. — NY Times
I wonder if anybody bothered to ask the Zitistians if building the Rocky statue actually worked: did it banish bad luck? Seems to me, an admittedly biased ethnic Hungarian, that just being born Serbian is bad luck in and of itself.
And as a native Philadelphian, where a Rocky statue has prevailed outside the Museum of Art for quite a few years, I can assure you that bad luck runs thick and deep as 
cheesesteak grease on South Philly streets. Ask any unfortunate Philadelphia sports fan. They’d have better luck with Rocky the Flying Squirrel.
The Tarzan statue’s builders were warned by MGM, the American media company that owns the rights to all things Tarzanoid (movies, teevee show, leopard skin underpants, the words “Timba Hungawa!”, etc.) that the statue probably violated every copyright law on the planet, but the city’s fathers frankly don’t give a shit. “What can they do, sue us?” asked Mayor Gotno Potopissin. “For what? Rubble? Spent artillery shells? Our hideous women’s first born?”
Nor can they read very well. Turns out the plaque planned for the statue, when translated, reads:
“Tarzan swings and Tarzan falls
And Tarzan cracks his mighty balls.”
Next up: the Central African Republic announced plans to build a statue of Mighty Joe Young. Former Panamanian President Manuel Noriega has agreed to model in return for their offer of political asylum.
P.S. “Timba Hungawa” means “Elephant go!” There is no political connotation.
February 22nd, 2007 at 12:00 pm
If they want to honor Weismuller, why not have a statue of the real Weismuller, not the fictional Tarzan he played? Maybe there’s something more genuine about seeing pigeon shit on Tarzan.
February 22nd, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Observing a Hungarian who sneers at a Serbian, I am reminded of a rat holding its nose in the presence of a pig.
February 22nd, 2007 at 2:11 pm
I don’t see where being born in Serbia is any worse luck than being born in Philadelphia. All the Serbs had to deal with were Croats and Germans on their borders. Philadelphians have New York and New Jersey to centend with. And themselves. Ugh.
February 22nd, 2007 at 2:30 pm
They are building a statue to rid themselves of bad luck and then they take on MGM?
MGM is going to crush them. They’ll take the Rubble, Spent artillery shells and your women’s first born and use them in a movie called ‘BORAT 2 Going to Medja’.
February 22nd, 2007 at 2:39 pm
I’ll have you know that I’ll be voting for Timba Hungawa in the next Democratic primary.
Just how bad is the luck in the village of Zatiste that they think it’ll change with a statue of the hometown boy made good.
They should remember Baghdad….their luck went away since Saddam’s statue came tumbling down.
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Thanks for the insight, Pierre. Evidently your years of associating with rats and pigs paid off.
February 22nd, 2007 at 3:46 pm
That means “Elephant Go”? So in the next scene do the natives get covered with tons of elephant poo-poo?
February 27th, 2007 at 7:06 am
I’m afraid you’re wrong. Timba Hungawa means “Wow, look at the the size of that elephant’s balls”
March 25th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
I find it funny and ironic that the people of Zitiste are putting up a statue of Rocky in their village as Stallone wrote Rocky based on Croatian-Canadian boxing champ George Chuvalo, who in 93 professional fights including 2 against Mohammad Ali was never knocked down.
March 25th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Yo, Monica. Stallone can’t even write his own fuckin name. As for “Boom-Boom” Chuvalo, he had the heart of a lion, the fists of a statue, and a head of solid cement. He couldn’t win, but you’re right: nobody ever knocked him down. Not even Frazer or Foreman. Damn! Where are the big tough guys today?