"Klotz" As In "Blood"

A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Losing Your Ess

Filed under: News from the Nation's Dicktip — Steve @ 1:00 am

With appropriate distaste, both CM and SOTP note the new video screen erected at the stadium formerly known as Joe Robbie.

My private stadium sources inform me that in order to build that gigundo video screen, the stadium had to reduce the size of its name by one letter. It’s no longer “Dolphins Stadium,” it’s now officially “Dolphin Stadium.

There’s no audiological distinction between “Dolphin Stadium” and “Dolphins Stadium.” Go ahead. Try it aloud. Say, “Dolphins Stadium changed its name to Dolphin Stadium” and tell me if you detect a difference. Try it on your friends and colleagues. This is a classic “difference without a distinction.”

The change almost guarantees misunderstandings, misprints, and misspellings for decades to come. Copywriters, advertisers, even sign painters will be gnashing their teeth down to their bloody gums making last-minute corrections, racing in front of deadlines. What was the point?

And what about erasing and hacking off all the old S’s that are up there now? Maybe they’re planning to sell them? Is there a market for a “Stadium S?” Sounds like a euphemism for a sore butt.

What really would be helpful is taking the apostrophe-S off “Florida’s Turnpike.” Most people do anyway, having arrived here from somewhere else, and nowhere else would you find that peculiar possessive form on a state turnpike. But we have “Florida Sturnpike.” Why?

Sure hope local schools keep “Teaching Floridian as a Second Language” in their FCAT curriculum.

5 Responses to “Losing Your Ess”

  1. Manola B Says:

    S PHOBIA HITS TOWN!

    I don’t get it, the team is still called Miami Dolphin(s), right?

  2. Mike Hunt Says:

    “Florida Sturnpike”? You think that’s a problem? Try 25 years with MY moniker.

  3. SSK Says:

    Well, yeah, Mike. How about “Klotz” as in “Blood?”

  4. Sign of the Time Says:

    What was the bloody point of changing Dade County to Miami-Dade County? To confuse us? Or perhaps it’s a conspiricy of printers, whose industry has taken a big hit with desk top publishing. Of course that wouldn’t hold with Dania Beach. When I first came here I always refered to then Dania as Dania Beach. I actually had to learn not to use the Beach when referring or writing to Dania. No sooner do I get comfortable with no beach, Dania decides they want a beach. Well at least that was an easy relearn. Which just goes to show you life’s a beach, so let’s all get tan.

    P.S: anyone know where to get a “Movie M” to go with the “Stadium S”?

  5. FISHLUVR Says:

    And I suppose our tax dollars went to make this change as well?

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