“Klotz” As In “Blood”

On the very first page of a Susan Patron’s children’s book, “The Higher Power of Lucky,” the 10-year old heroine hears another book character say he saw a rattlesnake bite his dog, Roy, on the scrotum. The book, a winner of the Newbery Medal, considered the most prestigious award in children’s literature, uses the word “scrotum.”

“Scrotum sounded to Lucky like something green that comes up when you have the flu and cough too much,” the book continues. “It sounded medical and secret, but also important.” NY Times

Whoa! Hell hath broken loothe.

Librarians all over the country, including several here in the nation’s dicktip, have refused to stock the book. “It’s obscene, it’s gross, and it’s entirely inappropriate for children,” sputtered Agatha Spoonbuttle, of Gadsden County. “In fact, it’s entirely inappropriate for anybody!”

The author disagrees. A librarian in Los Angeles, Ms Patron actually describes the word as delicious. “The sound of the word to Lucky is so evocative,” she said. “It’s one of those words that’s so interesting because of the sound of the word.”

I’m with Ms. Patron on this: scrotums — scrota? — are delicious. Unfortunately for us, the rattlesnake agrees as well. Not the best ally. Remember the nasty little incident in Genesis?

Speaking of Genesis, the children’s book presents no problem in Florida’s Dixie County. “Ain’t got no books here but the Good Book,” a clerk in Town Hall tells me. “Don’t need nothin’ else, neither.”

Does the Good Book say anything about the scrotum?

“Maybe in the Old Testament — I think the ancient Hebrews used to cut ‘em off or something,” she says. “Believe it was called circumscription, or something like that. I wouldn’t know. I’m a Christian, myself.”

Jumping butterballs. What would Jesus do?

“I don’t see a problem locally,” observed Elian Gusano, a Miami-Dade school librarian. “It’d be different if the snake and the dog lived in Cuba, of course, because then they’d be communist snakes and dogs, and making it sound as though communist snakes biting communist dogs in the scrotums — or is it scrotii? — was just like anywhere else, or in a democracy, would be terribly misleading. There’d be rallies, bombings, lawsuits, the works.”

Just like the old days, eh? All over a word.

“Not just a word! It’s (gasp) the children!”

Yes, Elian. Isn’t it always?