"Klotz" As In "Blood"

A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Monday, September 18, 2006

Strong to the Finish….

Filed under: Sense & Sensuality — Steve @ 9:26 am

Following the e-coli outbreak attributed to tainted fresh spinach, the popular green has become rarer than good manners in stores across the country:

E. coli cases linked to tainted spinach have been reported in 19 states, with a majority of cases in Wisconsin.Other states reporting cases were California, Connecticut, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, New Mexico, Nevada, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Utah, Virginia, Washington and Wyoming, according to the CDC.

The Food and Drug Administration continued to warn consumers not to eat fresh spinach or fresh spinach-containing products until further notice. — Forbes.com

At this writing, 109 people have been sickened, and one woman has died. Among the missing: Popeye the Sailor, whose promotion of spinach goes back to 1929.

popeye.jpg“We fear the wurst, I mean, worst,” an agent for the cartoon character grimly told news reporters early Sunday morning. “Until we hear from him directly, we’re assuming he’s laid up somewhere and in need of help — and for once in his life, reaching for the spinach isn’t the panacea.”

It is estimated that in the course of a 75 year career, the lymphedema-limbed sailor has consumed enough spinach to fertilize Iowa.

Reached at home, long-time companion Ms. Olive Oyl appeared visibly shaken and teary. “I feel so bad,” she said. “It was my idea years ago to move him off canned and processed spinach to fresh. We even worked out a gimmick where he could continue to find innovative ways to open the can under stress: we rigged up props that allowed us to replace their contents. I’m so upset. I’m so worried.”

For once in his life, Bluto (a/k/a “Brutus”) is not a suspect in the sailor’s dilemma. “Poison? Not my style,” he sneered. “I’m a two-fisted sorta guy. You want poisoning, go talk to the deMedicis.”

Anybody with information is urged to contact www.I-Yam-What-I-Yam.com.

6 Responses to “Strong to the Finish….”

  1. Asparagus Says:

    It’s not easy being green.

  2. Wimpy Says:

    I told him and I told him. “That spinach’ll be the death of you some day,” I told him. But would he listen? Not him. And don’t kid yourselves about what all those greens in his diet did for his flatulence: the man’s gas could have filled the Hindenberg. I’ve never been so unhappy about being right.

    Meanwhile, I’d gladly pay you Thursday for a hamburger today.

  3. Ted End Says:

    There was a girl in my high school nicknamed “Popeye.” Haven’t thought of her for years. She got the name not cuz she looked like him, but because she showed up in homeroom every morning with this green shit stuck between her teeth. Might have been spinach, but no one ever asked her. Or thought to taste it. Ugh.

  4. Rachel Ray Says:

    Oh, but I love spinach cooked in a little E. Coli sauce. Yum. Amazing!

  5. Sweet Pea Says:

    With the big guy gone I’m the heir apparent. And since I’m in charge I decree a ban on spinach in any form & all things green except for cash. And if that hand-wringing Olive Oyl stands in my way she’ll find herself in a retirement home so fast it’ll make her head spin twice. At last my day has come and I won’t have to crawl for anyone ever again. I will rule the world….I will be emperor of the universe. Aah, life is good to those who wait patiently.

  6. Kim Chee Says:

    Spinach is so yesterday. Get with program.

Leave a Reply