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Friday, June 30, 2006

Make Love Not Euthanasia

Filed under: News from the Nation's Dicktip — Steve @ 12:35 am

It’s a few days late: so let me catch you up.

In Indiantown, Florida, Junio Trenta got arrested for fucking his dog. Trenta, a Mexican citizen working as a laborer, was charged with one count of felony sexual bestiality, one count of felony animal cruelty and one misdemeanor count of exposure of sexual organs. In case it’s relevant, the dog is a male.

“It’s my dog,” he reportedly protested. “What’s the problem?” If that ain’t the quote of the year, I don’t know what will be. Story

Whatever. Fine. Evidently the dog neither gave his consent nor had a good time, so my sympathies run canoid. Take note, kids: you fuck the family dog, there are legal as well as moral consequences. Go burn a flag: it’s safer, if not socially respectable.

A day or so later, Michael Stueve of Pembroke Pines put a shotgun to Mama Kitty’s head and dispatched her to her Maker. He said the 14 year old cat was sick and suffering, could no longer stand to watch her deteriorate, so, invoking the spirit if not the methods of Dr. Kevorkian, blew her ass to rags. Neighbors raised hell, a trial ensued, and Stueve was acquitted.

Turns out it’s not illegal to do this anyway. Apparently Florida law permits owners of felines to execute their own pets under certain circumstances, and this was one of them. So Mr. Stueves walks, while the cat….like Beethoven, decomposes.

Okay. As one who has taken to their deaths many house pets, I understand completely. Just one question: how come the guy who blows the brains of his cat out of her head with a shotgun in full view of his trailer park neighbors gets to walk away scott free, while the poor bastard who fucks his puppy ends up in jail? At the hands (so to speak) of their owners, the cat is dead, the dog has sex. And it’s the sex crime, not the murder, that gets punished.

What’s the underlying prejudice here? Canine vs. feline? Homosexual vs heterosexual? Latino vs Anglo? Palm Beach vs. Broward? Are there religious considerations to examine? I don’t know the answers, I just have the questions. Readers: help us out here!

13 Responses to “Make Love Not Euthanasia”

  1. Mr Schwinnkle Says:

    Steve, we all know Sex is a crime. You said it yourself in the story about how Dania is trying to close the Fetish Box and other adult stores. But they have all those empty stores along US-1. Make them sex shops and they will always be full of customers. Hell drive by any one of the North Miami strip clubs and look at all the cars. Its simple, SEX SELLS!

  2. Mr Schwinnkle Says:

    Oh and, Antiques in Dania dont sell. They are getting old!

  3. Manola BBB Says:

    Crack All Mighty, are we becoming the state of deliverance?

  4. Brett Myers Says:

    Bestiality is disgusting, but the man has a point. It’s his dog, so butt out! It’s exactly what I told the goddam cops when they arrested me for slapping my wife around the street in Boston. It’s my wife. What’s the problem?

  5. Mister E Says:

    This is AFU. Suppose he kills his cat by fucking it to death instead of shooting its head off. Then he’s in trouble for what — not the death of the animal, but for the sex act? Or maybe for having too much fun?

  6. Living Will Says:

    Is having sex with the flag okay? Can I wrap my cat in a flag and then shoot her for Old Glory? If I use the flag as a beach towel and have sex with a puppy on it, how many laws did I break? Suppose I dress up in a flag, marry my boyfriend, and shoot my cat while using the n-word? What the hell is going on in this country?

  7. Manola BBB Says:

    Living Will — please have sex LIKE an animal on the beach, not WITH an animal, ok?

  8. The Python Says:

    Where are the dog and (what’s left of the) cat now? Just curious, not hungry.

  9. Ted End Says:

    Mr Sinkhole, antiques in Dania aren’t “getting” old. They wouldn’t be “antiques” UNLESS they were old.

  10. PETA Says:

    AAAHH!!! You can call us over zealous in our persuit of animal freedoms but all we’re gonna say is illicit sex and murder are exactly what we expect when people are allowed to own animals and call them pets.

  11. Mr Schwinnkle Says:

    No Ted the whole idea of Antiques in Dania is getting old. Shit there aint nothing in the shops except cut glass from what I have seen. You have to goto SC and NC to get antiques. Nice old Oak wood furniture. None of that in Dania. Just glass here. Hell most of the dealers (antique not drug) in Dania just sell to each other and trade stuff.

  12. MadamI Says:

    Mr. Living Will, you may wrap the cat in Old Glory but you must then burn it. You may use the flag as a towel and have sex with any animal of your choice only if you wear Anal Floss. And finally, you may dress up in a flag, marry any animal (including human) and shoot the cat, however, you must say “you fucking n-word! You stand corrected and THAT is what the hell is going on in this country!!!

  13. Michael Jackson Says:

    Cute dog. Wonder if he’s on MySpace.com.

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