"Klotz" As In "Blood"

A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Monday, June 26, 2006


Filed under: And They're Off,What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 12:15 am

Harriet the turtle died. She was 175. Australian authorities attributed her death to a “fairly acute heart attack.” Yes, and wasn’t that a “fairly acute” bullet to the brain that killed Lincoln?

Speaking of old and dead, Guido and I found ourselves driving through the rain out to western Broward yesterday (Sunday). We had an errand to run in a place called Tamarac, where the average age is Death plus 15. Wrinkle City. At Halloween parties the big entertainment is bobbing for oxygen.

We need to make a stop to pick something up, so I steer into a certified personality-free strip mall. It’s pouring rain, visibility is poor. I pull up to a Walgreen or a Wal-Mart or a CVS or whatever the hell it is, and she makes a run for it.

While she’s inside, I idly scan the storefronts, reading the posters in the windows. You ever see those old signs outside amusement park rides, they had a painted horizontal line, and read “You Must Be This Tall To Ride On the WhipCracker?” Well, there in the window of the drug store there’s a picture of what appears to be a raisin, or a dried apricot, but on closer inspection turns out to be an extraordinarily creased up human face. Below, the message reads, “You Must Be This Old For The Senior Discount.”

Probably doesn’t deter a single soul. but it’s a heart warming sentiment. Made me think of Harriet.

4 Responses to “Quitter”

  1. Manola BBB Says:

    “Until recently, she’d kept to a strict regimen which included going outside and warming up in the morning and then retreating to the shade once she’d had enough sun.”

    Hmm … I believe Mr. Klotz has described a similar regimen?

  2. Rufus Leeking, M.D. Says:

    Entirely too much sun, even for a cold-blooded reptile. Had her guardians been more diligent, they would have limited her exposure to perhaps an hour per day. Then maybe she’d have lived to be 200. Abusers! Fiends! You can trust me, I’m a doctor.

  3. Ted End Says:

    I don’t get it. What does a dried apricot have to do with getting a discount? Can other fruit be substituted?

  4. Sol & Sal Says:

    Hey, lay off Tamarac, willya? Old people gotta die somewhere, you know.

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