"Klotz" As In "Blood"

A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Friday, December 21, 2007

An Apple A Day Keeps the Doctor Away, But Guinness Prevents Klotz

Filed under: Sense & Sensuality — Steve @ 12:38 am

That’s right. Long headline.

Welcome to “No One Reads My Blog on Friday” Friday.

The old advertising slogan “Guinness is Good for You” may be true after all, according to researchers. A pint of the black stuff a day may work as well as an aspirin to prevent heart clots that raise the risk of heart attacks.

[R]esearchers told a meeting of the American Heart Association in Orlando, Florida, that the most benefit they saw was from 24 fluid ounces of Guinness – just over a pint – taken at mealtimes. They believe that “antioxidant compounds” in the Guinness, similar to those found in certain fruits and vegetables, are responsible for the health benefits because they slow down the deposit of harmful cholesterol on the artery walls. — bbc news

Guinness good.jpgThe Irish rightfully claim that god made Guinness so the Irish wouldn’t conquer the world, but they stayed mum about Klotz (as in blood.)

Guinness is a food group all its own. As good as coffee in the morning, a splendid pick-me-up any time of day. I’ve made whole meals of it many a time, and you’ll find no flies (or clots) on me.

Recipe: One room temperature pint of Guiness, one ripe banana, one handful of cashews. Toss the cashews in your mouth and chew until they’re crushed, then take a large bite of banana. When all is soft with just a touch of crunch, pour in the Guinness. Aaah. Bliss. The gods be smiling and all’s well in the world. Swallow. Repeat until filled to capacity.

One word of warning: the following hours may well be punctuated with extraordinary flatulence. Avoid small rooms.

9 Responses to “An Apple A Day Keeps the Doctor Away, But Guinness Prevents Klotz”

  1. Sean Says:

    As good as morning coffee, you say. You sure you’re not Irish?

    Was the younger brother of my mum who would brush his teeth each morning while having his stout. Odd fellow himself, who also used American Windex on his cuts and bruises.

  2. Your Dog Says:

    Actually, it’s the flatulence part I like the best.

  3. Warren Rabbit Says:

    Klotz, that recipe is more disgusting than ass-pus. Your wife is a saint.

  4. Flaming Says:

    Gotta love a man who swallows!

  5. FerfeLaBat Says:

    Bar Staff Ask ‘Old Fart’ to Go Outside to Pass Gas
    Friday, December 07, 2007

    A retired bus driver who describes himself as “an old fart” has received a written request from the social club at which he drinks to step outside when he passes gas, the Telegraph reports.

    Maurice Fox, 77, received the formal request from the Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club in England amid claims his flatulence was “disgusting” other customers.

    “I do get a bit windy — I am an old fart now,” he said.

  6. FerfeLaBat Says:

    Before the huge “Apple a day” image revamp for the apple, they were only grown to make hard cider. During prohibition, in order to keep their orchards, citizens had to come up with the health benefits of the fruit to combat the devils brew image. Yes. Johnny Apple Seed was a bootlegger. So. Good analogy in your title. Been saving that fart article for weeks. So glad I found somewhere to put it. Happy Holidays!

  7. Carlos Miller Says:

    As someone who spent almost two years living in Dublin, I can assert that Guinness is associated with health in Ireland.

    In fact, not too long ago, they would give a pint of Guinness to mothers who had just gone through childbirth. This may still be a custom in some of Ireland’s rural towns.

    I had a friend who was genetically rail thin. However, when he was a teenager, his parents were worried about his weight (or lack of) and sent him to the doctor.

    The doctor prescribed him Guinness. So my friend, at the age of 15, would walk around the house pounding cans of Guinness.

    He didn’t really gain weight but he developed a taste for the Guinness.

    One thing about Guinness is that it doesn’t travel well. I have yet to find a pint of Guinness in the United States that tastes as good as it does in Ireland.

  8. Steve Says:

    Ferfe: Thanks for that story! And I’m impressed as hell you could embed that paragraph in the comments section. Man what I don’t know how to do on my own blog could fill volumes.

    I write a lot about farting. Here’s a few for your amusement and spare time: 1 2 3.
    I even have a tattoo on my lower right cheek “Born to Fart.” Guess you’ll have to take my word on that.

    Carlos, I hear the same thing about the brew not traveling well from folks returning from Germany: they buy the bottle here of what they drank there and come away disappointed. Guess it’s the nature of the beast. Maybe the trick is to brew our own. But a disappointing Guinness is better than a fresh Bud, Schlitz, Miller, etc. every time.

  9. Maria Says:

    I’m going to ask my cardiologist about this. And here they have me taking a baby aspirin everyday! Hmpf!

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