"Klotz" As In "Blood"

A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Thursday, December 13, 2007

“Klotz” as in “klutz”

Filed under: Etherea — Steve @ 12:29 am

Yesterday I met a lovely young lady with a charming accent and both, I learned, were Russian. She wanted to know if the name “Klotz” was German, and what it meant.

I told her that everybody I’ve met outside my family with that name — and one finds whole nests of Klotz’s in Pennsylvania Dutch country (the Pennsylvania Dutch are actually German: long story about ignorant Americans in the 18th century) — is ihuman oddity.jpgn fact German, but I’m not. My grandfather Klotz was Russian.

“Ah,” she says. “Well, in Russian that word means, a clumsy person. A klutz. Same word, actually.”

Great. I used to beat kids up for calling me “klutz.” Talk about ignorant. Here I are. Who do I talk to to convert to German?

Maybe this explains my complete ineptitude with tools and technology, and any manual labor more complicated than driving nails into parts of my body. It’s genetic.

You gotta be tough if you’re gonna be stupid. That’s a Russian proverb. I think.

18 Responses to ““Klotz” as in “klutz””

  1. Sean Says:

    Great God, Man where did you find that horrible photo?

  2. Vladymir Putin Says:

    “You gotta be tough if you’re gonna be stupid.”

    Yes. Is Russian proverb. You implement but half.

  3. Steve Says:

    Sean — I thought it was clear from the context: That picture’s from a family photo album. I think he’s one of my grandfather’s brothers. Grandpa didn’t talk much about his family –you can see why. Actually, the old Ruskie didn’t talk much about anything.

  4. Miss Slutskaya Says:

    You may be a klutz, but you give good blog!

  5. Rick Says:

    What other Miami blog can you find a photo of a guy driving a spike into his head? Wundebar!


  6. Steve Says:

    Even more impressive is the presence of esteemed bloggers who post comments!

    That excludes Putin, of course.

  7. Will B. Donne Says:

    I guess they didn’t have nasal decongestants back when your great uncle was around.

  8. Ruh Roh Says:

    When I first saw that photo I figured it was Keith Richards.

  9. Dave Says:

    Two points of clarification: Pennsylvania Dutch is an aberration of Pennsylvania Deutsche which indeed means German not Dutch. The nail driver was a standard exhibition at all the old carny shows along with the bearded lady and the tattoed man (usually reffered to as the human atlas since the tattoes were usually maps). We had plenty of these guys in Miami in the old days as Sweetwater was a winter carny town started by russian midgets. As always, Steve shares my bizarro tastes in the absurd…keep up the good work!

  10. CL Jahn Says:

    For those who are interested, it appears that Steve’s grandfather’s brother was a “blockhead,” a novelty act wherein the “blockhead” pounds things into his head. Sort of a low-brow sword swallower.
    I’m descended from Pennsy-Dutch myself, Stickleys. No, not the furniture makers. Some OTHER Stickleys. Ones who didn’t build furniture and start a crafts movement.

  11. Skip Van Cel Says:

    I believe your pic is from Joel Peter-Witkin.

  12. Skip Van Cel Says:

    As a mater of fact it is “Melvin” a 1985 photograph from Peter-Witkin.

  13. Steve Says:

    Skip Van Cel wins the kewpie doll. I found the images here.
    It’s always been a favorite of mine, ever since reading an article in the NY Times magazine many moons ago. Nice to have some fame in the family, unless your name is Kaczynski.

  14. skipvancel Says:

    Please send my kewpie doll to PO Box 530187, Miami, FL 33153.
    Thank you.

  15. Dr. Annie Steelclit Says:

    I believe that was the *old* method of performing lobotomies.

  16. mkh Says:

    Wait, there’s a *better* way to perform lobotomies?

  17. melissa klotz Says:

    wonder if we are related and i am a klutz.

  18. Hugh Bris Says:

    Melissa: Klotz doesn’t come here any more. Read his last post if you want to know why. He has another blog but he doesn’t use his real name, and it’s not as good anyway. He lost his edge.

    BTW — are you good looking? If you are, you’re probably not related.

    Hear that Klotz as In Blood? Gonna take that quietly? Faggot. Putz.

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