"Klotz" As In "Blood"

A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Hello I Must Be Going

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 9:34 am

Appropriately ironic, isn’t it, that this blog’s getting knocked off-line for a few days prevented me from signing off?

Hello, I must be going,
I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going.
I’m glad I came, but just the same I must be going…

(Groucho, of course, in Animal crackers)

It might be a mere hiatus, but I doubt it. If I resurface as a blogger, it will be under an entirely different name. Something clever and cutting, like “Anonymous.” Wait– has that been taken? Damn.

The situation is straightforward and uncomplicated. I’m changing jobs, and the new position is one that is sufficiently public and sensitive that my language, tone, and approach in this blog might well be deemed “inappropriate.” Yes, the “I” word. No, I have not been told to shut down, I’m doing it voluntarily out of respect for the new employer and my commitment to do the best job I can for them.

Also, I simply won’t have the time during the day to do the kind of research, rewriting, and updating I do to keep this blog afloat. At my former position, there were opportunities during the day to peek in and surf around, even while working. That won’t happen with the new position.

Oooh, Mama, can this really be the end?

I imagine I’ll still pop up in other bloggers’ comments section from time to time, and maybe, if I’m asked to submit something snarky for another blog, I’ll do that. That’s how I started, on Critical Miami (thanks, Alesh). But the time has arrived for this regular blog to put down like a rabid old dog. (It will stay on-line for a while in case anybody wants to re-read something they liked and remember.)

I encourage those who have provided comments over the years to find their way to other local blogs – see blogroll — where they can pester and bluster at will. Even you, Neil. Not sure about Fred Upp. And Rufus Leeking M.D. needs to be incarcerated.

This has been fun, and I’ll miss it. Thanks for all your attention and support.

P.S. Feel free to comment here or email me at SSKlotz@gemail.com for any reason.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Wank Like A Man

Filed under: Etherea — Steve @ 12:26 am

Got a call out of the blue from an old buddy of mine trapped at home between a cold in his head and a snowdrift on his doorstep. If you think that’s a pain in the balls, he also has a prostate infection.

“I just got off the phone from speaking with the physician’s assistant,” he tells me ruefully. “She says, and I quote, ‘Mr. Carroll, you need to ejaculate more!'”

Damn. Was she offering to help?

hot lava.jpg“I didn’t ask. I was stunned. I asked her if she would put it in writing so I could show my wife.”

I can just imagine showing my wife a doctor’s note to convince her to bring me off.

“She’d probably tell me something nasty, like It’s out my hands or something.

Wait. Did she mean you need to ejaculate more frequently,or you need to ejaculate more fluid?

“Comes to the same thing (pardon the pun), but I’m pretty sure she meant more often. As in, on other occasions besides when Bloomingdale’s has store-wide sales, which is about the only thing that excites her any more.”

How hard (whoops) can this be? Have you tried plying her with alcohol?

“C’mon, get real. She’s Irish. She drinks me under the table. I’d do better with chloroform.”

Yikes. Does she realize this is your health we’re talking about? Physical and mental?
“Aaah, I think she just likes hearing me moan and curse when I’m pissing hot lava. Which reminds me. I gotta go.”

Poor bastard. Was it Bonnie Raitt who sang, “Show me a woman who won’t go down and I’ll show you a man who cheats?” He’s not the type, though, and besides, he’s snowed in. Maybe he needs a house call. Or a friendly dog.

Nice thought. Have a great weekend, everybody.