"Klotz" As In "Blood"

A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Monday, January 28, 2008

WWFD

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 12:09 pm

That stands for, “What Would Flashman Do?”

I couldn’t read this without cracking up. Hey: “Do Not Sit On A Thistle.” Ha!

Monday, January 21, 2008

This Explains a Lot

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 1:00 pm

Venezuela’s controversial President Hugo Chávez has revealed that he regularly consumes coca — the source of cocaine — raising questions about the legality of his actions.

“I chew coca every day in the morning . . . and look how I am,” he is seen saying on a video of the speech, as he shows his biceps to the audience. — Miami Hurled

It’s people like this that give drug users a bad name.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Ah, Sno?

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 2:31 pm

Here’s a little Japanese robot that eats snow and shits bricks.  Don’t laugh.  If you made me eat snow, I’d shit, too, although probably not in neat little white bricks.  Sushi and Saki have the same intestinal impact.  I’ll stop now.

Friday, December 14, 2007

“Unfortunately, He Was Wrong”

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 9:00 am

In honor of “Nobody Reads My Blog on Friday,” here’s one I’ve been saving for a day when I couldn’t summon the strength to come up with anything original….maybe later.

Spectators cheered as entire Cambodian Midget Fighting League squared off against African Lion

The fight was slated when an angry fan contested Yang Sihamoni, President of the CMFL, claiming that one lion could defeat his entire league of 42 fighters.

midget.jpgSihamoni takes great pride in the league he helped create, as was conveyed in his recent advertising campaign for the CMFL that stated his midgets will “… take on anything; man, beast, or machine.”

The fight was called in only 12 minutes, after which 28 fighters were declared dead, while the other 14 suffered severe injuries including broken bones and lost limbs, rendering them unable to fight back.

Sihamoni was quoted before the fight stating that he felt since his fighters out-numbered the lion 42 to 1, that they “… could out-wit and out-muscle [it].”

Unfortunately, he was wrong. — BBC News

Reached for comment afterwards, the lion would say only, “Short people got no reason to live. Urp!”

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Eyes Have It

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 1:24 pm

Here’s a reason to subscribe to and read the NY Times daily:

potato_2.gifCiting a lack of evidence, prosecutors in Poland dropped a libel investigation against the German newspaper Tageszeitung for likening President Lech Kaczynski to a potato. Several days after the article appeared last year, Mr. Kaczynski pulled out of a Polish-German-French summit meeting in Germany.

and in other international news:

The interior ministers of the nation’s 16 states as well as the federal interior minister, Wolfgang Schäuble, “consider Scientology toscientology.jpg be an organization that is not compatible with the Constitution” and will work to ban the organization… [T]he most recent annual report on extremism compiled by their agencies criticized the organization for disregarding “basic and human rights, such as the right to develop one’s personality and the right to be treated equally.”

Ach, those Germans. No sense of humor. I wonder if fundamentalist Christian Republicans entertain dreams of a similar maneuver regarding Mormonism?

Friday, November 30, 2007

I’m Innocent…..

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 11:12 am

…….but jealous.

Guinness-toucan-Posters.jpgDUBLIN, Ireland – Irish police were hunting for a beer bandit who stole 450 full kegs from the Guinness brewery , the largest heist ever at Ireland’s largest brewer.

National police said a lone man drove into the brewery, a Dublin landmark and top tourist attraction , on Wednesday and hitched his truck to a fully loaded trailer awaiting delivery to city pubs.

Each keg holds about 88 British-sized pints, the most common serving size in Ireland, equivalent to 20 ounces each. The total theft involves 39,600 pints with a retail value exceeding $235,000. Diageo PLC, the beverage company that owns Guinness, said the brewery had never suffered such a large-scale theft before in its 248-year history. — philly.com

Friday, November 9, 2007

Talking Dirty

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 9:39 am

Here’s a lid heads up: World Toilet Day this year is November 19.

Of course, you knew that: it’s November 19th EVERY year.

Sounds kind of silly, if no longer naughty as it might have been in the Victorian era (which lasted through the 1950’s in the US), but there are some dedicated people involved in this. And I wouldn’t necessary call them assholes.

According to the World Health Organization, 40 percent of the globe, or 2.6 billion people, have no access to hygienic toilets. They must use latrines, outhouses or buckets — or simply the bushes or rivers nearby.

The World Toilet Summit, which just took place in New Delhi, is an attempt to improve that situation by drawing attention to the problem and pushing for better sanitation technologies. It is the brainchild of Jack Sim, a Singapore real estate mogul who grew up in poverty and remembers seeing children in his neighborhood shedding worms as they ran around diaperless. In 2001, he founded the World Toilet Organization, which has a blue toilet seat for its logo.

Despite the silly name, he means serious business.

Diarrhea kills 1.6 million children each year — more, even, than malaria — and the pollution of drinking water with waste is a principal cause. Also, about 160 million people have intestinal worms, which can cause malnutrition and anemia. Worms competing for the nutrition that their hosts eat can leave their victims too weak to farm or go to school and prone to other infections. — NY Times

Okay, enough of that. Makes me think of Karen Carpenter.

You can find out even more if you visit the World Toilet Organization’s website. I looked closely at the World Toilet College page (“There is presently no school or wto_college_logo.jpginstitution that addresses both urban and rural toilet needs in a holistic approach.”) thinking that with my degree in philosophy, I might qualify for a scholarship, or at least get credits toward another BS (sorry). And make sure you check out their merchandise page, still in development. They’re working on a logo’d and perforated tee shirt for tearing into strips to wipe your butt. Great for hikers.

Evidently the movement (!) is here to stay, backed by some wealthy stakeholders. “We’re flush with funds,” a spokesman told me.

Alright, I made that up.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Lawyer Lawyer Pants on Fire

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 2:21 pm

PakiLawyer2.jpgOver in that bastion of democracy, Pakistan, a beloved and trusted political ally of President Monkey Boy and the United States in the War Against Terror, lawyers are out in the street protesting “President” Musharraf’s declaration of “Emergency” powers that include shutting down the nation’s media, suspending the constitution, firing the Supreme Court’s chief justice, and deploying military personnel.

PakiLawyer1.jpgBorrowing a strategy instituted by Miami Police Chief John Tierney (and widely applauded by south Florida commentators and bloggers), Musharraf’s troops took control of the streets using advanced crowd retention techniques, as seen in these photos of lawyers having their asses arrested (from the New York Times).

Guess he forgot to issue orders to beat the crap out of media representatives on site breaking the law by taking revealing pictures.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Hey Hey

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 12:03 am

Monkees.JPGThe deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died a day after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys. SS Bajwa suffered serious head injuries when he fell from the first-floor terrace of his home on Saturday morning trying to fight off the monkeys.

The city has long struggled to counter its plague of monkeys, which invade government complexes and temples, snatch food, and scare passers-by.

The High Court ordered the city to find an answer to the problem last year. — news.bbc.co.uk by way of digimils

And you’re complaining about Muscovy Ducks and mosquitoes.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Little Richard

Filed under: What A Wonderful World — Steve @ 8:26 am

Oh, look. From the people who brought us beer in a GIANT OIL CAN comes this new and improved way to inspire road rage among the (allegedly) digitally challenged:

Little Guy.jpgNew South Wales, Australia — A woman giving another motorist the “small penis” hand gesture – popularised by a driver safety advertising campaign – provoked him lash out in an act of road rage, a court heard.

Simon Jardak was yesterday convicted and fined $400 for maliciously damaging property after throwing a bottle out his window in anger because the RTA [Roads and Traffic Authority] hand gesture offended him. The hand gesture was the basis of a New South Wales advertising campaign against speeding. — news.com.au.

Here’s the video.

I can’t wait until this reaches south Florida. I anticipate a rash of infuriated midget-dicked drivers, simultaneously outed and admonished, reacting with the blind fury of the belittled and scorned. It’s just the sort of irritating minor dig that irks our shallow, beetle-brained population the most.

In the Australian matter reported here, Jardak pleaded guilty to the crime and admitted that indeed, his reaction was irrational and wrong. “[I]t offended me… because of, you know, ‘small’… she implied I had a small penis,” he told reporters, “but [throwing the bottle] was a stupid way to vent.”

The magistrate agreed, and advised Jardak to “conduct his masturbatory activities more responsibly,” preferably not with an automobile.

fosters.jpgSide note: The oil can reference, of course, is to Fosters Beer, which I first encountered in a delightful 25 ounce can, at the time a unique presentation. Interestingly enough, the beer was never particularly popular in Australia, and it’s now brewed in several other locations around the world as well. In the US, the Fosters we drink is Canadian, and it’s mediocre at best.

Many years ago I found myself in an airplane headed for Gnu Wingland seated next to a young Aussie girl, and the conversation turned to beer. When I expressed my fondness for the Fosters Oil Can, she had no idea what I was talking about. She told me she had never seen that product, and was certain it wasn’t marketed in Australia. “I’ll look for it in Boston,” she promised. “Seems Americans have lots of strange beer available.”

G’day.

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