"Klotz" As In "Blood"

A Testament to the Insidious Impact of Florida Sunshine on Brain Matter

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Hello I Must Be Going

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 9:34 am

Appropriately ironic, isn’t it, that this blog’s getting knocked off-line for a few days prevented me from signing off?

Hello, I must be going,
I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going.
I’m glad I came, but just the same I must be going…

(Groucho, of course, in Animal crackers)

It might be a mere hiatus, but I doubt it. If I resurface as a blogger, it will be under an entirely different name. Something clever and cutting, like “Anonymous.” Wait– has that been taken? Damn.

The situation is straightforward and uncomplicated. I’m changing jobs, and the new position is one that is sufficiently public and sensitive that my language, tone, and approach in this blog might well be deemed “inappropriate.” Yes, the “I” word. No, I have not been told to shut down, I’m doing it voluntarily out of respect for the new employer and my commitment to do the best job I can for them.

Also, I simply won’t have the time during the day to do the kind of research, rewriting, and updating I do to keep this blog afloat. At my former position, there were opportunities during the day to peek in and surf around, even while working. That won’t happen with the new position.

Oooh, Mama, can this really be the end?

I imagine I’ll still pop up in other bloggers’ comments section from time to time, and maybe, if I’m asked to submit something snarky for another blog, I’ll do that. That’s how I started, on Critical Miami (thanks, Alesh). But the time has arrived for this regular blog to put down like a rabid old dog. (It will stay on-line for a while in case anybody wants to re-read something they liked and remember.)

I encourage those who have provided comments over the years to find their way to other local blogs – see blogroll — where they can pester and bluster at will. Even you, Neil. Not sure about Fred Upp. And Rufus Leeking M.D. needs to be incarcerated.

This has been fun, and I’ll miss it. Thanks for all your attention and support.

P.S. Feel free to comment here or email me at SSKlotz@gemail.com for any reason.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Still Dead, Dead

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 2:00 pm

Here’s a follow-up on the odd couple who attempted to cash their dead friend’s check for him. Original post here.

Their bumbling actions have brought two guys in an alleged Hell’s Kitchen check cashing scam worldwide attention for their only-in-New York similarities to the dark comedy, “Weekend at Bernie’s.”

But as James O’Hare and David Daloia allegedly pushed the lifeless body of friend and roommate Virgilio Cintron to the Pay-O-Matic Check Cashing spot in an office chair on Tuesday to cash a check, they claim they had no idea he was dead.

“He looked like that every — — morning,” Daloia said, of Cintron’s appearance the day in question. “I didn’t know he was dead. had $500 in his pocket. I had $200. Why would I rob the guy?”

He looked dead every morning? And he wasn’t driving I-95 through Miami? Or standing in line at Target? Nah. Try again.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

When a Photo ID Isn’t Enough

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 12:54 am

This one should start the day off right….

New York — Two men wheeled a dead man through the streets in an office chair to a Pay-O-Matic check-cashing store and tried to cash his Social Security check before being arrested on fraud charges, police said.

[W]itnesses saw the two pushing the chair….propping [the deceased] up and keeping him from flopping from side to side. The men left the body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check…The store’s clerk, who knew [the deceased] asked the men where he was, and they told the clerk they would go get him. Sun-Sentinel

But by that time, police were summoned and both Fulbright scholars were arrested and taken downtown. Poor dead fellow never did get his check, and his body was conveyed to the morgue. No word on the desk chair.

P.S. “Pay-o-Matic”??

Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Sun Finally Set on the British Empire

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 10:18 am

Flashman2.jpgHate to start the year with such a bummer, but the death of George MacDonald Fraser, creator of the Flashman series, can’t go by unheralded.

Flashman, published in 1969, imagined Harry Flashman, the bullying schoolboy of 19th-century classic Tom Brown’s Schooldays, grown up to become a soldier in the British army. In the book and 11 sequels, the roguish Flashman fought, drank and womanised his way across the British Empire, Europe and the US, playing a pivotal role in great historical moments. A vain, cowardly rogue, Flashman nonetheless emerged from each episode covered in glory. — The Age

Sir Harry Flashman, Ace of Cads. Running from the fight, drinking with the enemy, rogering the ladies. His misadventures as a whining, whimpering, whipped puppy of an British soldier slipping in shit and coming up roses are as hysterical as they are historically accurate: Fraser’s scholarship and research are laudable, and the footnotes add to the authenticity. He has Flashman meeting everybody from John Brown and Abe Lincoln to Queen Victoria and Sherlock Holmes, and weaves them into historical events. And everyone of them sees right through Ol’ Flashy for the foul fraud he is.

I’ve read and re-read the books, and never failed to find them delightful. The final volume will be released in April.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Dead Fish Found in Palm Beach Canal

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 12:00 pm

Authorities said the death appeared accidental. — Miami Hurled

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

“The Fabulous Moolah” Surrenders Her Title

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 1:00 pm

Moolah.jpg…..to the only adversary that could take it: Death.

Moolah was a long-lasting class act. She fought women as well as men, and beat them all. She fought dirty, she fought mean. Years her junior, Jesse “The Body” Ventura had her in mind when he proclaimed his own credo: “Win If You Can, Lose If You Must, But Always Cheat.” (Jesse went on to become governor of Minnesota.)

The obituary notes that while Moolah’s five marriages ended in divorce, she lived for many years with Diamond Lil, a midget wrestler. Wonder how those men dealt with having their wife leaving for a wrestling female midget? I bet they kept their mouths shut.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Last Rat

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 1:31 pm

Joey Bishop, 89, died. Died.

No, he won’t come back.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Another Corpse in Hollywood

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 9:14 am

Hollywood is such a terrific place — people are dying to get here, and some succeed. In dying, that is. This time it’s a partially clad woman in her 30s, discovered on the beach just north of Nick’s Bar. A hotel resident made the discovery early this morning and called the cops.

“Foul play hasn’t been ruled out,” a spokesman said. “But given the proximity of the body to the restaurant, foul food is more likely.”

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Kittens Who Died, Died

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 11:02 am

Speaking of animal cruelty….

TRENTON, N.J. – A rotten odor seeping from a home in an upscale neighborhood led to the discovery of dozens of dogs and cats, many of them dead, inside the feces-ridden mansion, authorities said Wednesday……

At least 80 live cats and six dogs were removed from the Saddle River house, although one kitten died later, he said. In the garage, authorities found 23 separate plastic bags that contained the remains of dead animals, some so decomposed it couldn’t be determined what type of animal they were. — Philadelphia Inquirer

What is truly amazing here is how anybody ever noticed an unusually bad smell in the city of Trenton. How could they tell?

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Boots Were Made for Dirt Naps

Filed under: And They're Off — Steve @ 1:48 pm

Songwriter/producer Lee Hazelwood died of kidney cancer. He was 78.

Two of the worst songs ever to make it to popular radio, both featuring Nancy Sinatra, should be enough to condemn his sorry ass to hell. “These Boots Were Made for Walking” was an embarrassingly lame little ditty even considering the talentless spore of Sinatra who whined it out, and the aptly-named “Something Stupid,” featuring both Nancy and her father, was but marginally better. Maybe.

His last solo album, “Cake or Death,” was released last year. Evidently most listeners selected Death.

“Lee has joined the ‘People Who Died, Died’ Club,” his nameless agency rep confirmed this afternoon. “But his music will live on as dentist office Muzak forever.”

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